Ramblings: Confession

So, I went to confession yesterday.  Yeah...  I'm not sure if I'm allowed to pick favorites when it come to the Holy Sacraments, but I do.  And confession is not my favorite.  Actually, it could very well be my least favorite.  Holy Orders and Anointing of the Sick are two that I have not received.  Holy Orders I will never receive since I'm not a man and all.  And, Anointing of the Sick...I will ask for it when I need it.  I don't want to get sick, but it's likely I will need it someday.  So I guess I'm not looking forward to that Sacrament like I am looking forward to Simon's Baptism.

Anyway, Baptism, Communion, Confirmation, and Marriage are wonderful celebrations.  I am no theologian.  Nor am a I a strong voice for my faith.  I don't have eloquent words or profound insight to give you as to why these Sacraments are so amazing and so, so necessary for all of us.   But I love them.  Confession on the other hand. not so much love.  Though, I understand the purpose and the need for regular Reconciliation.

This was the first time I truly examined my conscience.  In the past I would wing it in the confessional.  Maybe a little mental prep as I stood in line during the Lenten Reconciliation service, but not a true examination.  This was the first time I really used the 10 Commandments and examined myself.  It was revealing.  I knew I was a sinner...But man am I a SINNER.  I had to write them down....pages!  Yea...that "Catholic Guilt" thang. 

Confession is hard.  It is hard to examine my conscience.  It is hard to realize how often I sin.  It is hard to not be overly scrupulous.  It is hard to take ownership of those sins.  It it hard to ask for forgiveness.  It is hard to try not to do it again.  It is sometimes hard to be forgiven, and yet it is so easy for God to forgive.  I just have to ask for His forgiveness.

I know being absolved of my sins regularly makes the celebrations of the other Holy Sacraments, like the Holy Eucharist, so much better and fulfilling and the celebration that much richer.  And being cleansed of my sins lightens my mental/emotional/physical load so I can nurture my relationship with God, my husband, and my children.  I know how great it feels when that load has been divinely lifted.  I even know that I will not be judged or ridiculed or mocked for my many, many, many, short comings, but I still find confession hard. 

I'm not sure what my point is.  I never really have a point, do I?  I'm glad I went.  I am going to try to go more regularly.  And hopefully, I can develop a deep love for this precious Sacrament that God has given us.

7 Quick Takes - #8

--- 1 ---

We made it through Birthday Week!  Amelia is 3.  Simon is 1.  (And Owen is still 4...until March at least).  In between potty breaks, laundry, and cooking I have fleeting thoughts of how our family has changed in the past 5 years.  It baffles me really.  Even though there was a time when all three of our kids didn't exist, it's hard to remember that time.  I don't know quite how to say what I mean.  Having 3 kids is normal.  To think about life when we only had 1 or 2 though it did exist and was normal seems not normal.

--- 2 ---

Ok, moving on.  Maybe it's the time or maybe it's my brain teetering on the edge of sugar coma, but that first take of mine was just too much. Anyway...Halloween!  Here in Northern New York has been pretty in the forties for the past several days.  Well, temps creeped up close to sixty!  However, it came at a wet, rainy price.  It worked out ok, but the it was a bit touch and go for the first hour of trick or treating.  

--- 3 ---

Costumes!

Jack Frost

Full discloser.  I prefer homemade costumes to store bought ones. Actually, it's not so homemade vs. store bought.  I just don't want to run into several other kids with the same super hero costume.  So last year when Owen despreately want to be a Power Ranger I was a little bummed.  I was a little surprise at how cute I thought he was.  I mean, he's always cute.  I was just shocked that I was excited to see him dressed up as his favorite character.  I still prefer a less popular costumes.  Chris and I fully admit that we plugged this Jack Frost costume.  We had grand plans that we didn't fully execute.  I know for me it was fear of "messing it up".  Anyway, it's hard to see, but there is frost on the hoodie and Chris made the staff.  I am happy with how it turned out.

Ready for her school parade.

I bought this monster costume last year after Halloween.  This is an example of a store bought costume that I prefer.  I think it's adorable and she is less likely to cross paths with another kid wearing the same costume (though it is possible).  She actually only wore this to her birthday party and her Halloween parade.  For actual trick or treating she chose to be Snow White.  And yes she was beyond precious.  And yes we ran into other Snow Whites.  And no it was not the end of the world.  And YES I am neurotic and totally over-thinking Halloween costumes for these kids.

Simon was Frankenstein.  I had saved this from Owen's first Halloween.  And he was just a cute as his brother was four years ago. 

--- 4 ---

Crossfit update.  So if you know me a little you about know my love for food and doing a whole lot of nothing.  Any time I do anything health related I am good for 3 months...Then I'm not.  So I hit 3 months and mentally I was/am/was having a hard time.  I didn't/don't/didn't want to do it any longer.   CrossFit is great.  Gracey is GREAT.  My problem is ME.  I let Gracey know that mentally I'm struggling just getting to the gym.  Once I'm there is not the problem.  So things seem to be turning around.  I had a great week last week at the gym.  The WODs were my type of WODs....Then this week happened.  I haven't been at all this week!  CWOC, Halloween festivities for the kids, All Saints Day activities and mass have clashed with gym hours.  I actually felt/feel/felt like I am coming out of this mental sump.  So I hope this unexpected week off does not hinder the up swing of this slump I was/am/was in. 

--- 5 ---

Back to Halloween for a minute.  So I had plans with my friend to take the kids trick or treating.  We did.  Our neighborhood was difficult.  First, it was hard to see if porch lights were on because of how the houses and garages are laid out.  And more importantly,  only a few people were handing out candy.  So we drove to another neighborhood.  It was easier to see porch lights and there were more porch lights lit.  So I parked the car leave the hazard lights on, and move the car as needed.   Well, my van died. 

--- 6 ---

I am looking forward to November!!!!  The hope is to be in NC for Thanksgiving.  As always, we are still waiting on leave approval, and nothing major popping up.  We haven't left New York since November last year.  We have only left Watertown once and that was to Niagara when my in-laws visited this summer.  I'm looking forward to seeing our family. 

--- 7 ---

I am praying for our family right now, and I am asking for prayers if you will.  Without going into tons of details and what if scenarios, it is unclear which direction we are suppose to go.  I know where I want us to go, and I hope that is where we are headed.  But I don't know if that is truly what's in store for our family.  So yea, if you can help out with this vague prayer request it would be appreciated.  Sincerely appreciated! 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Simon is 1!

Well, birthday week has officially came to a close.  I had a post all typed up and ready to post on Simon's actual birthday just like I had on Amelia's, but it was lost.  So here we go!

Simon, like all of the little Lockharts, has been a perfect addition to our family.  His smile is contagious.

Editing props to Elizabeth DeJesus!

And his cry is blood curdling.

And his love for nursing is real!

Milk coma

He has been the best newborn, but my toughest infant to date. He loves to be held by anyone, but he is partial to his mother.  He loves to clap, take baths, crawl, stand, play with cars, being startled, and play with his siblings.  He hates shoes, socks, clothes, and sometimes diapers.  The boy does love to be naked.

At birth Simon started as large as the other two weighing in at 10lbs 10oz, but he has had a slightly slower growth rate in his first year (roughly 22lbs 8oz).  He is not walking yet, though he has been attempting for the past couple of months by standing unassisted and managing a couple of steps.  We are hoping for fully committed walking any day now.

Simon, you and your siblings have proven to be very different people.  We look forward to see what your second year of life has in store.  Your curiosity and independence will likely grow faster than your lexicon which will lead to many meltdowns. Bring it!  It will be worth it to watch you learn.  You swell our hearts,  Happy Birthday little man.  You bring us so much joy!

Amelia is 3!

Amelia is FINALLY three!!! With my boys I'm in awe of how quickly the time has passed, but with Lady A not so much.  I'm NOT complaining about this!!! But time moves at steady pace so it just seems weird that I would have these conflicting feelings about my kids' rate of growth.  I will say, I'm sure this feeling stems from her ability to communicate (and age two was a little tough...not gonna lie).  The girl has been speaking in full sentences since she was 18 months, and she hasn't shut up since :)  Really, her comprehension and understanding still surprises me.  She's a smart cookie.

While eating breakfast
Amelia: "I'm going to eat all of my food.  I'm going to grow big, big, big.  I will grow as big as the house.  And I will crush it.  And I will put the freezer in the oven."

She's imaginative.

While using the bathroom
Amelia: "I pooped my energies out."

She's a scientist

Caught drawing on the wall
Me:  "What are you doing?"
Amelia: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

She's an artist


She sings Happy Birthday to everyone (not because her birthday is approaching just because she likes the song and everyone gets a turn)
Amelia: "One, two, three, four....Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday dear (insert name), Happy Birthday to you."

She's a musician

Me: "Amelia, you're such a mess."
Amelia: "Yeeeaaahhhh!!!!  HAAAHAAAAHAAAA (in her weird honky laugh)

She's self-aware.

In the mornings
Me: "Let's get dressed."
Amelia: Growls "I can do it."  while snatching the clothes from my hand.
Me: .....
Amelia: Pleasantly "I need help."

She wants to be independent.  

Wakes up crying.
Me: "Amelia honey, what's wrong?"
Amelia: "I want to go trick or treat."
Me: "You will get to go on Halloween.  Who said you can't go?"
Amelia: "O...O...Oweeeennnnn." 

She trusts her brother, even in her dreams. 

Trend setter..notice the shoes on the wrong feet.

Favorite foods: pizza, french fries, cake

Favorite colors: Pink and purple

Favorite past times:  dancing, singing, drawing, eating, drinking, making her brothers cry, playing teacher, being a helper, watching others clean up

Favorite letter: A or O

She is a fiery spirit filled with curiosity.  She keeps us on our toes, for sure.  She is funny and kind.  She knows what she wants, and sometimes she just takes it (hide your drinks, hide your food, yo!!).  She is her brothers' biggest fan, next to Chris and me of course.  She is clumsy.  She is loud.  She is dramatic.  She is joyful.  She reminds us to pray before meals.  She loves silky fabric blankets.  She is loveable.

I am so glad that we were chosen to be her earthly parents.  She busted into this world in 2 quick hours and our lives have been blessed since.  Happy Birthday my sweet girl. 

Birthday week

Birthday week is upon us.  Amelia's birthday is Wednesday and Simon's is Saturday.  I almost feel like I should be 9 months pregnant and ready to pop.  If we are blessed with another baby I would like to give October a break...January has a beautiful birthstone :)

Anyway.  We are having a Halloween birthday party.  I suggested it to Amelia and she was all for it.  She loves Halloween.  She pick Halloween books year round.  I suggested it because it would give the kids another chance to wear their costumes.  Owen is being Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians.  Amelia is being a purple monster princess.  Simon will be either Darth Vader or Frankenstein. I think for trick or treating he will definitely be Frankenstein because it's a warmer costume.  It's Owen's first costume too.

We are going to try am make this happen.

2009 Owen's first Halloween

Amelia showing off her costume a few months ago

I have a few goals this week for the blog.  I am going to try and write Amelia's and Simon's birth stories (here's Owen's) along with some notes about what they are like as we approach year 3 and year 1.  They are both awesome additions to this family.  Their wild antics keep us laughing, loving, crying, yelling, and cussing (striving for sainthood is hard!)  But mostly they keep us laughing and loving.  A friend posted that with each kid your love is multiplied not divided.  So true.  I hope the love keeps multiplying.  These kids, Owen too, make me want to love more.  I don't think domesticity/parenting comes naturally to me.  Order most definitely does not.  But the swell of my heart watching each kid sleeping as a newborn to putting on their clothes independently is like a drug that I want more of.  The plan for our family is being revealed one day at a time, and we will do our best to happily accept whatever is in store for us.  Right now we are blessed with 3 wonderful children who fill this home with joy.

7 Quick Takes - #7

--- 1 ---

Yay!!! I remembered it is Friday.  Well, only after thinking it was Saturday, but that doesn't matter.  What matters is is that I remembered to connect with Jennifer Fulwiler at ConversionDiary.com.  Yay, Nicole - 1, Life -7629243723818465!!!!!  Take that!  ;)

--- 2 ---

I'm thinking about moving my blog...I know I'm using a free site, but they have added ads within the content of my posts and a big ad in the middle of my admin page.  It's annoying and hard to read.  So unless I figure how to remove theses ads I may look at other sites.  We will see.

--- 3 ---

We are decorating for Halloween.  Amelia and Simon's birthdays are in two weeks.  (Let me just say I can't believe Simon is going to be 1.  But with Amelia I can't believe she is only 3.  It's a weird conundrum I am still trying to figure out.)  So we are having a joint birthday, and to make it easy it's a Halloween party.  The kids are thrilled and I am hopeful everyone will have fun.  So we are getting a little festive outside.  We have some tomato cages that we plan to wrap with lights at Christmas to make Christmas trees.  Well we figured we could be a white plastic over them and make ghosts.  We are short a few extension cords so they don't light up yet, but I'm happy with the turn out.  Some of the ghost have white lights some have red.  I may get some black felt to give them eyes.  Along the walkway are 3 black trees with purple lights and a light up jack o lantern.  What you do think?

Ghost family

--- 4 ---

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about why we are considering homeschooling.  The more time that passes the more excited I become about the possibilities.  Not to say that it isn't also terrifying...you know, if I fail them they are the ones who suffer.  But hearing from friends and seeing their Facebook posts about homeschooling has me looking forward to next year.  Science experiments, art projects, reading, and field trips done together as a family.  I'm excited to cultivate a stronger learning environment for all of us.

--- 5 ---

Even though I remembered it was Friday I am having a hard time filling all the quick takes. Just happy to be here, folks! Chris and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary! Check it out!

--- 6 ---

The CWOC kickoff meeting when really well.  There was a lot of hard work to keep this group from fizzling away.  With 28 ladies at the kickoff meet, and a few emails of ladies who couldn't attend the kick off but plan to is awesome!  St. Micheal's parish is flourishing.  Great things are going to happen this year; I can feel it.

--- 7 ---

Happy Friday, y'all.  It's all I got for today.  

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

8 incredible years, and other stuff

Let me begin by saying sorry for the month off.  As always, it was unintended.  I'm not sure how those pro bloggers do it.  Not that I'm aspiring to be a pro blogger, but it must be a true passion or the just have a lot to say.  Many of them really have a true gift in making the ordinary something worth talking about.  No here, yo.  I'm here to bore you to tears :)

Anyway, I will hit the highlights and then get to the meat of this post.

• I finished the 30 Day Challenge.  In 30 days I lost 18 pounds and 21.25 inches.  Since starting CrossFit I have lost 34.75 inches.  Of course these measurments were taken a week ago.  Since then I have been benge eating.  I admit I feel gross, and my digestive system does not thank me for it.  And I'm having a hard time stopping.  So, I'm working to get myself back on track.  I want to lose the weight I have put back on and about 30 more pounds.
  

  

  Left: First day of CF Right: 1 week of CF

  

  Day 1 of 30 Day Challenge

  
  

  

  18 pounds down (ignore my weird hands)

  
  

  

  21.25 inches gone

• This is my 100th post.  It only took 4 years.  Those professional bloggers out there likely write that many in a year.  Not that I'm looking to go pro, but it's cool that there are people out there with awesome things to share.  Or have the talent to make everyday things really interesting or at least funny.
•  Tomorrow is the kickoff for CWOC, formally known as MCCW, and I'm the appointed president.  I don't really feel like I'm doing anything because I have some awesome ladies who are doing a stellar job getting everything ready.  I'm not looking to remain the president, but a leader was needed.  We will see where God take me in this new role.  But more importantly where it takes this group and our parish.  
• Chris and I are making some light up lawn ghosts for Halloween.  I'm optimistic they will turn out pretty cute.  Hopefully I will post its awesomeness or its complete failure very soon.

Yesterday was our anniversary.  Chris and I have been married for 8 years.

October 7, 2005

 8 years, 3 kids, 1 deployment, nearly 5 years given to the Army, 7 vehicles,  9 moves, lots of laughs, a few tears, empty pockets, and full hearts.

I'm so happy we found each other so quickly.  I only wish we had gotten married sooner.

Chris is an incredible man, and I am so blessed he wanted me to share his life him.  He's funny, kind, hardworking, generous, short-tempered, and most importantly he make AWESOME brownies :)  Everything he does, he does for the kids and me.  As cliche as it may sound, I love him more everyday.   Our future will always be bright as long as we keep each other by our sides, our children at our feet, and our family's focus on God.