Thursday, November 7, 2013
So, I went to confession yesterday. Yeah... I'm not sure if I'm allowed to pick favorites when it come to the Holy Sacraments, but I do. And confession is not my favorite. Actually, it could very well be my least favorite. Holy Orders and Anointing of the Sick are two that I have not received. Holy Orders I will never receive since I'm not a man and all. And, Anointing of the Sick...I will ask for it when I need it. I don't want to get sick, but it's likely I will need it someday. So I guess I'm not looking forward to that Sacrament like I am looking forward to Simon's Baptism.
Anyway, Baptism, Communion, Confirmation, and Marriage are wonderful celebrations. I am no theologian. Nor am a I a strong voice for my faith. I don't have eloquent words or profound insight to give you as to why these Sacraments are so amazing and so, so necessary for all of us. But I love them. Confession on the other hand. not so much love. Though, I understand the purpose and the need for regular Reconciliation.
This was the first time I truly examined my conscience. In the past I would wing it in the confessional. Maybe a little mental prep as I stood in line during the Lenten Reconciliation service, but not a true examination. This was the first time I really used the 10 Commandments and examined myself. It was revealing. I knew I was a sinner...But man am I a SINNER. I had to write them down....pages! Yea...that "Catholic Guilt" thang.
Confession is hard. It is hard to examine my conscience. It is hard to realize how often I sin. It is hard to not be overly scrupulous. It is hard to take ownership of those sins. It it hard to ask for forgiveness. It is hard to try not to do it again. It is sometimes hard to be forgiven, and yet it is so easy for God to forgive. I just have to ask for His forgiveness.
I know being absolved of my sins regularly makes the celebrations of the other Holy Sacraments, like the Holy Eucharist, so much better and fulfilling and the celebration that much richer. And being cleansed of my sins lightens my mental/emotional/physical load so I can nurture my relationship with God, my husband, and my children. I know how great it feels when that load has been divinely lifted. I even know that I will not be judged or ridiculed or mocked for my many, many, many, short comings, but I still find confession hard.
I'm not sure what my point is. I never really have a point, do I? I'm glad I went. I am going to try to go more regularly. And hopefully, I can develop a deep love for this precious Sacrament that God has given us.