Small, Slow Steps

I am full of excitement....I don't even know how to contain myself.  Things are going relatively good for us Lockharts.  Big changes and uncertainty are in the horizon, however.  It's causing emotions leaving me extremely unfocused and neglectful in some areas...including prayer.

This year I am purging not just things but bad habits too.  I am taking small steps.  Changing everything at once would leave me unmotivated and tired before I even start.  This may sound extremely silly to some people.  And maybe it is, but I have to start somewhere to be the wife and mother I want to be.  

So, over a week ago I have started making my bed.  Told you, small steps.  That is been my only goal.  In the past, I have made the bed and not made the bed.  There would be stretches of time it was made for nearly a month and other stretches of time that it was not.  Even though it takes less than a minute to do, and it cleans up the room almost rather quickly, I still neglect doing it most of the time.  This is a habit that I would like to instill in my children, but there is NO way I am going to get the results I want if my bed is not being made daily.  

Chris noticed.  My kids have noticed, too.  It has only been a week, and today I almost said to hell with it.  But I did it anyway.  Minutes after making the bed Amelia said, "Mommy, I like your bed."  In the end I was glad  the bed was made.

Yea, yea I'm sure I can get a few tips from you perfect OCD perfectionist ;)

The house is still a wreck.  Lego blocks everywhere, laundry baskets full of clothes, dishes in the sink, and stacks of things throughout the house needing to be sorted and thrown away.  It's overwhelming.  It's much easier to ignore it all by refreshing my news feed or shopping for maternity clothes to my trusty Hewlett-Packard.  So, I instead of ignoring it I'm trying one step at a time.

The next step I have made is bedtime for yours truly.  I'm a night owl, that will never change.  As of last night though I'm going to make the responsible decision to go to bed by 11.  Stop whatever I'm doing, reading, watching, and go to bed.  Even going to bed can leave me laying there for hours, I must try to make morning more bearable by getting to bed earlier.  Pregnancy will make this difficult, but those nights that I just can't fall to sleep that time will be filled with extra prayers.

I haven't decided what will be my next step.  Hopefully it will come to me.  It still needs to remain small since these new changes are not quite habits yet.  Maybe more spiritually focused?  That's probably where I should have started.  

I may desire showroom home free of all clutter; I will probably never have it.  But, with some effort, I hope to create a peaceful environment with controlled chaos in our home even if it is "lived in".  

I'm shocked too!

What is this...two posts in less than a week!?!  I know I'm shocked too!

You may have read my last post about my word of the year being PURGE.  Well, I am happy to announce that I did manage to take a bag of cloths, a couple boxes of toys, and a tote of random kitchen things to the thrift store.  I have to start somewhere.  And if you're wondering, yes my house looks the exact same.  Yes, I have lots of crap.  Yes, it was painful.  Full disclosure: I changed my mind at the last minute about one of the kids' toys and brought it back home.  Guys, I have a real problem!!!

I am not going into this "word of the year" all gung ho and full of zeal!  The idea of ridding my life of all of its excess is a bit daunting.  I feel it is going to take some level of organization that I just don't have.  Chris does.  We have been put together to help each other get to Heaven...maybe that is his part?  Or maybe I'm just making sh*t up!  Or maybe both.  Either way, I think that this year is going to be a trying year for our family like every other year. 

The other four members of the Lockhart clan will have their own crosses to bear because Momma is not ready to get rid of the awesome clearance item she bought last year...has never used...in fact the red tags are still on said item...because she "she might need it one day".  Or because Momma will have to walk away from the 75% off $1 bin item (making it only $0.25) because we have no purpose for it.  Or because she must get rid of the five year old *insert item* because *so-n-so* gave it to her, and she doesn't want to offend. The thought of all of this gives me some anxiety.  Nothing a prayer and glass of wine can't fix.  I hope. 

So yea, I didn't really have much to say other than "wahhhh....I'm committing myself to self improvement and discipleship".  Or at least I'm going to try. I don't mind if you hold me accountable.  If Lent rolls around and I am talking about my newest thrift store find feel free to comment/message me and say "Eh hemmm...yea, weren't you suppose to get rid of stuff for Lent."  Or if we are in June and July and I haven't updated you on how the word purge is weaving its way through my life just say "So Nicole, how purging working out for ya?".  I won't be offended.  After my "How very dare you.  I find you impertinent, how very garish.  How very dare you," (Catherine Tate show reference...on Neflix...go watch it...now) then I will be grateful that your love helped regain my focus.  Seriously!

Well thanks for listening/reading/listening....I'm going with listening because I wanna!  Anyway, your consolation prize is pictures of my kids in their jammies before bed.  You know they're cute.  Soooooo.....you're welcome. 

My little ham bone!  He was saying "cheeee"!

My wild, silly girl!

"Ok, enough of her....me again, woman!"

"CHEEEE"

Silly!!!!

"Ok Mom, you can take a picture of me."

Photo props go to Amelia Lockhart!

Photo props go to Owen Lockhart!

Happy New Year: 10...11 days late.

Oh my goodness, it is 2014!  How did we get here?  I went nearly two months since my last post.  Nothing new around here.  We all know my posts come in waves.  But I am feeling the need to blog.  It's cathartic.

In general, nothing new has been going around these parts.  And since my entire blog audience is Facebook family and friends I'm sure you have an idea of what has been going down here in the Land of Lockhart.  I'll provide a small list of highlights anyway.

Here we go, 2013 round up:

• We went to NC for Thanksgiving.
• Simon and Duncan were baptized. 
• Simon is officially a walker.
• Disney on Ice.
• Caught a cold
• We survived an ice storm.
• Christmas was wonderful and over too quickly as it is every year.
•  2014 arrived.

Really there are some wonderful detail that happened the last month and a half of 2013, but really I can't remember now that I'm trying to document them. Sorry.

But here we are 2014, a year of possibilities. The past several years I always have this overly optimistic idea that "this year is going to be 'Our year'".  You know that life altering year that will put us exactly where we are meant to be.  The year that is going to make every other crap-tastic year worth it.  I don't have that feeling this year, and it is probably for the better.  I am sure we are where we are suppose to be, all the crap and all the joys included.

I like New Year's though.  I like the idea of starting fresh.  I recently discovered people like to chose a word of the year as opposed to a resolution.  That idea is appealing to me.  Some of the blogs I follow have chosen a word and how that word will inspire them to make changes over the next 12 months. 

For me there are so many things I wish I wasn't and or was.  I sometimes wish I was someone else.  There are lots of things that I desperately want to change about myself.  (And to be completely honest, it's to the point of sinfulness.  I'm sure I am disregarding gifts that God has given me.)  I think choosing a word is a broader approach to the new year than a list of resolutions.  With resolutions I am likely to become extremely self-deprecating. So after several weeks of thinking and praying, my word is:

Purge.

The most obvious thing is ridding my life of stuff.  YES, that will be taking place over the 12 months.  In the shower on Christmas I was hit over the head by the Holy Spirit.  Seriously, I have never experience anything like that.  It had to be Divine. I was completely overwhelmed with what I must sacrifice for Lent.  I know we had JUST finished Advent, but I was being told anyway.  Over the 40 days of lent I will be removing 10 things from my home every day.  I will not buy anything.  I will keep my grocery shopping to a minimum, but that is all I will buy.  Every Saturday I will take my 60 items to the Salvation Army or give them to someone who wants or needs them.  I have hoarder tendencies...seriously.  This is going to be very, VERY hard.  I am sure that shower was my first hint as to what my word for this year should be.  Even though I didn't even know I was going to be choosing a word.

But I have other things too purge as well.  I'm obsessive. I have got to let things go and let them just be.  I have lots of mental baggage that I need to get rid of so that I can be a more authentic version of myself.  I am sure frequenting the confessional more than my yearly obligation is necessary.  Purging sin is probably a good start.  Comparisons, doubt, and ideas of what I should be need to go.  So I have the ability to embrace my talents and gifts, so I can be the woman that God created me to be.  I can't do this alone.  I have to ask for God's graces, and the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit wouldn't hurt either...along with the Blessed Mother and the saints interceding on my behalf. 

To tell you guys the truth, I am not thrilled with the word, but I do think this word was given to me.  And in 12 months I hope that my life is lighter and more simplistic because of it.  I am sure that 2014 is going to be crap-tastic like every other year, because life is full of crap y'all.  But that is ok.  I can accept the crap I'm given, let it go, and let God do the rest.

Here are a few pictures for the end of the year.

Simon's baptizim on Dec 1st

Trying to get a Christmas picture.

All five cousins and Muma!

Making Santa cookies.

After Mass on Christmas Eve.

Opening gifts.  Notice the Happy Birthday sign!?!

Still opening.