7QT - #17: Winging it

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I just realized that it's Friday and it's been a while since I linked up for a 7QT.  I'm completely winging it and unsure what I should discuss in the next six takes, but I guess we'll figure it out together.

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Four weeks ago I felt completely different than I do now.  The level of exhaustion is really hard to explain.  I manged to get through things I absolutely had to, and that was about it.  My house should have been condemned, I'm sure.  Staying awake took everything I had.  I seem to have my energy back and I have started getting our house in shape.  My last three pregnancies I never experienced "nesting".  I'm not sure if it's nesting or I'm just excited to have some energy, but the front half of our house is getting there.  Admittedly, the last couple of days have had some set backs with Simon screaming all night and the next day being anything but pleasant.

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Speaking of Simon, I love that babe but I'm not sure what to do with him.  He has been our toughest.  A scream like no other's.  He hits.  He hits his siblings and us when he plays and when he's mad.  Simon is persistent. He likes to repeatedly turn of the television if anyone is watching it.  I don't know.  Maybe it's my hormones.

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So did you catch our big news?  It's starting to sink in a little bit.  Chris and I were talking yesterday and I mentioned that a year from now Fort Drum will no longer be our home.  Since right now Alaska is going to happen if Alabama doesn't we have been looking into the area a little bit.  Cold and isolated...kinda like Fort Drum, but a little worse.  I'm not sure how I will cope without a Target.  I am thankful that there's a Sam's Club, but I frequent the Target at least once a week.  Oh, geez.  This year's winter here at the Drum gave me a little taste of what cold is.  But, pictures are beautiful.  I'm not sure we would get to experience it without the Army so I'm sure we will enjoy ourselves.  Of course we want Alabama.

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Our entire relationship Chris as been trying to become a pilot.  Not always in the Army, but flying in some way.  Location only, I think Chris and I would chose Alaska over Alabama.  But since the dream is to fly and Alabama is the only option we want Alabama over Alaska.  Did that make any sense?  Still needs one letter, his medical (it's done he needs the paperwork), and a PT test.  This week all of those things are in the works.  Right now it looks like he will meet the May deadline for the July board.  We hope it stays that way.

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Owen was signed up for soccer yesterday.  It took us foreva to find the sign up tables. They were in a pretty obvious spot that we completely ignored since that's how we role, apparently.  But he's signed up and ready to go.  Just waiting on the phone call to know what team he's on.

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Amelia had her dance pictures taken.  I'm not super girly.  I don't gravitate to all the frills.  And winterguard has shape my style preference when it comes to pageantry attire.  But seriously, how cute is this???

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Small, Slow Steps

I am full of excitement....I don't even know how to contain myself.  Things are going relatively good for us Lockharts.  Big changes and uncertainty are in the horizon, however.  It's causing emotions leaving me extremely unfocused and neglectful in some areas...including prayer.

This year I am purging not just things but bad habits too.  I am taking small steps.  Changing everything at once would leave me unmotivated and tired before I even start.  This may sound extremely silly to some people.  And maybe it is, but I have to start somewhere to be the wife and mother I want to be.  

So, over a week ago I have started making my bed.  Told you, small steps.  That is been my only goal.  In the past, I have made the bed and not made the bed.  There would be stretches of time it was made for nearly a month and other stretches of time that it was not.  Even though it takes less than a minute to do, and it cleans up the room almost rather quickly, I still neglect doing it most of the time.  This is a habit that I would like to instill in my children, but there is NO way I am going to get the results I want if my bed is not being made daily.  

Chris noticed.  My kids have noticed, too.  It has only been a week, and today I almost said to hell with it.  But I did it anyway.  Minutes after making the bed Amelia said, "Mommy, I like your bed."  In the end I was glad  the bed was made.

Yea, yea I'm sure I can get a few tips from you perfect OCD perfectionist ;)

The house is still a wreck.  Lego blocks everywhere, laundry baskets full of clothes, dishes in the sink, and stacks of things throughout the house needing to be sorted and thrown away.  It's overwhelming.  It's much easier to ignore it all by refreshing my news feed or shopping for maternity clothes to my trusty Hewlett-Packard.  So, I instead of ignoring it I'm trying one step at a time.

The next step I have made is bedtime for yours truly.  I'm a night owl, that will never change.  As of last night though I'm going to make the responsible decision to go to bed by 11.  Stop whatever I'm doing, reading, watching, and go to bed.  Even going to bed can leave me laying there for hours, I must try to make morning more bearable by getting to bed earlier.  Pregnancy will make this difficult, but those nights that I just can't fall to sleep that time will be filled with extra prayers.

I haven't decided what will be my next step.  Hopefully it will come to me.  It still needs to remain small since these new changes are not quite habits yet.  Maybe more spiritually focused?  That's probably where I should have started.  

I may desire showroom home free of all clutter; I will probably never have it.  But, with some effort, I hope to create a peaceful environment with controlled chaos in our home even if it is "lived in".  

Not feeling it.

I'm not feeling it today.  I'm not feeling it most days.  For two week now I feel like we have been non stop.  I know it's from adding CrossFit to our mornings.  Add a couple of appointments, play-dates, and general errands one's time is eaten up quick.

The house is in a whole new level a disarray.  The laundry, both clean and dirty, has taken over.  I'm so so so SO happy to have our new washer and dryer.  They are larger than our rickety old set so I can clean more clothes at once!!!  That also means I have to fold more clothes at once!  I have three overflowing baskets of unfolded clothes that I keep digging through. I have had the goal every day to get something accomplished and to regain the order like we use to kind of have.  And everyday I feel like I'm just trying to survive.   Feeding, diaper changes, throwing a towel on the newest spill, and ignoring the crash of toys that have been spilled to the floor.

I have been in this so called survival mode for quite some time.  I'm starting to think that I'm no longer surviving, but it's my new norm.  I lived there for all of Simon's pregnancy.  Of course I had a newborn and to recover and to adjusting to having three kids.  I will give myself a little bit of wiggle room here, but in the end these things didn't take too long. 

I long to have a system in place that is functional and teachable.  Owen and Amelia can be given household responsibilities and be expected to complete them.  I have found many lists on the trusty (and not so trusty) internet with age appropriate household contributions.  The problem for me is getting this system in place.  Any attempt I have made ended as soon as it started or was never finished and ended in a bigger mess.  I don't have the skills that can see chaos and create order. It's a vicious circle. 

I'm not sure what my point is really.  My plan was not to be a Debbie Downer.  I know I have complained to about abilities before.  I guess I could ask for some prayers.  I really want to improve.  I love being a wife and mother, but I want to be better...MUCH better at it.  And if we decide to homeschool these are skills that need to surface. 

Anyway, sorry for you time.  I will make a huge effort tomorrow to do better...here and at home.

Night interwebs!


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